Kakashi's Dating Service
by Agent HUNK
Summary: Kakashi somehow gets stuck playing Matchmaker. But he soon finds it fun to play Cupid, and he decides to pair up every shinobi he knows with their One True Love. BACK IN PROGRESS! Kakashi is SERIOUSLY Cupid now. Beware... new chapters are quite cracky.
1. Naruto x Sakura Part 1

This story is inspired by the story "Odd Times in Konoha" by DynamicChaos. He suggested the idea of Kakashi playing matchmaker. I just made it into a full fic.

The idea is simple. Kakashi plays Cupid. Any questions?

Good. Lets get started!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto!

* * *

Kakashi smiled to himself as a he walked down the sidewalk, his face buried in a book as always. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and it was Saturday. That meant no work, no school, no class, no Sasuke, no Sakura, and no Naru- 

"HI, KAKASHI-SENSEI!!!"

-to.

"Hm?" Kakashi looked down at his feet. Sitting on the curb with a half-eaten candy bar in his hand was none other than Naruto himself. "Hello, Naruto."

"Watcha doin', Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto asked him as he crammed the rest of the candy bar into his mouth.

"Enjoy my day off," he replied. "What about you?"

"I'm bored..." Naruto huffed. "There's nothing to do."

"Why don't you go play with Sasuke or Sakura?" Kakashi suggested.

"For one thing, I hate Sasuke. And Sakura..." Naruto sighed sadly, "She hates me."

"Hm..." Kakashi mused. He was about to say something, but Naruto interupted him.

"WHY DOESN'T SHE RETURN MY FEELINGS OF LOVE?!" Naruto lamented loudly, causing everyone within 100 feet to turn and stare at him and Kakashi.

"Feelings of love?" Kakashi arched an eyebrow. "Ah, so you _are_ in love with her..."

"Is it that obvious?" Naruto asked. It was hard to tell if it was a serious question or a joke.

"What about Hinata?" Kakashi asked.

"What _about _Hinata?" Naruto replied in a confused tone.

"Well, isn't it obvious that-" Kakashi's voice trailed off. "Nevermind."

"Oh well..." Naruto sighed. "I guess it just isn't meant to be... Unless..."

"Unless?" Kakashi arched his exposed eyebrow.

"Maybe you can pretend to be me, impress Sakura, and set us up on a date?" Naruto grinned.

Kakashi stared at him for several seconds. Then he calmly stated: "Excuse me?"

"Yeah! I mean, you're so smooth with the ladies and everything," Naruto shrugged.

"Who said I was smooth with the ladies?" Kakashi asked, slightly confused.

"Rock Lee," Naruto replied. "He told me that Guy-sensei told him all about some party for the teachers, and that Kurenai-sensei-"

"Okay, stop!" Kakashi interupted him. "She was drunk, and she thought I was Asuma, and I managed to break out of her grip before things went too far."

"Um..." Naruto paused. "I was going to say she complimented you..."

"Oh..." Kakashi stared at Naruto, and Naruto stared at him.

"I'll pay you 50 yen," Naruto grinned.

"Done," Kakashi began to make handsigns. "Transform!"

-----

"Hi, Sakura!" Naruto waved at the pink-haired girl sitting on a park bench.

"Hello, Naruto," she replied without much enthusiasm. In fact, she didn't even look up from the sandwitch she was eating.

'Hm...' Naruto thought to himself. 'She really is mean to Naruto...' Sure enough, Naruto was not really Naruto. In fact, he was Kakashi. But I'm sure you all knew that, didn't you? "Naruto" shrugged and took a seat on the bench next to her bookbag.

"How's it going?" Naruto grinned.

"Good," Sakura replied. "You?"

"Good..." Naruto shrugged. "Watcha eating?"

"A sandwitch," she stated the obvious.

"Really?" Naruto grinned goofily. "I never would have guessed!"

"Bakka..." she grumbled. "You're so annoying."

'Perfect...' Kakashi/Naruto thought to himself.

"Oh..." Naruto sounded hurt. "Oh..."

"Naruto?" Sakura noticed his tone.

"I'm sorry..." Naruto stated sadly.

"For what?" Sakura asked.

"I'm sorry for being so annoying..." Naruto sighed. "It is just the way I am. I'm annoying, Kakashi's super cool, Sasuke's stuck up, and you're pretty. That's just the way we all are..."

"Pretty?" Sakura blushed.

"Oops, did I say that out loud?" Naruto flashed a goofy grin. "Oh well. It's true, though!"

"Um..." Sakura pushed a few stands of hair out of her eyes. "Thanks?"

"No problem!" Naruto grinned. "I'm just as nice as I am annoying! You just have to look past people's bad qualities and notice their good ones..."

"I guess you're right..." Sakura stared at the ground, contemplating something.

"Well," Naruto jumped to his feet, "I guess I'll see you later."

"Wait..." Sakura said as he began to walk away.

"Huh?" Naruto turned to see what she wanted.

"Are you doing anything tonight?" she asked. Naruto grinned.

---

Naruto was sitting on the same street curb as before, his head buried in a book he'd swiped from Kakashi awhile back. He quickly stuffed it into his jacket when he saw Kakashi approaching. "So how'd it go?" Naruto asked.

"The Ramen shop in 3 hours," Kakashi stuck his hand out. "Pay up."

"I'll pay you 100, plus the 50, if you go meet her and pretend to be me," Naruto grinned.

"No," Kakashi replied.

"150?" Naruto asked.

"No," Kakashi replied.

"Okay, 200, and a free copy of the new Icha Icha book," Naruto smirked.

"A free copy?" Kakashi arched his brow. "How?"

"I know the writter," Naruto bragged. "I can talk him into giving you a free copy, I bet..."

"Hm..." 200 yen, and a copy of the newest volume of his favorite book series, _for free_? And all he had to do was pretend to be Naruto and date Sakura? Kakashi pretended to consider it for a moment. "Okay."

* * *

Hm. Kakashi pretending to be Naruto for the date? I wonder how odd that will get...

Very, very odd, probably.

Review, please! Flame me, insult me, compliment my story, voice your thoughts, suggest pairings! Whatever you want, just put it in a review!

Oh, and this story is going to remain T, in case anybody is curious. I'm not Jariaya!


	2. Naruto x Sakura Part 2

Hey, cool! Lots of readers and some good reviews! And don't worry, Hinata/Naruto lovers. Your time shall come.

Lets see... I wonder how badly things will go for Kakashi?

Very badly, probably...

And when discussing the date, should I use "Kakashi" or the name of his assumed persona? Either one works well for me, but what would you prefer?

* * *

Kakashi had transformed into Naruto and met Sakura at the Ramen shop just as the sun began to set. The real Naruto decided to watch from a distance via a pair of binoculars. Kakashi knew that things would either go great, or horrid. But one thing was for sure: It would be a long evening. 

"So, how was your day?" Sakura asked as she sat down at the counter and put her bookbag on the floor.

"Meh, pretty good..." Kakashi/Naruto shrugged as he took the seat next to her. "You?"

"Alright..." Sakura replied. "I wonder what Sasuke and Kakashi are up to?"

"Sasuke's probably moaping and/or brooding," Kakashi grinned, "And Kakashi is probably off being a hero while reading his book."

"That sounds about right..." Sakura giggled.

"Your meal," the chef placed two large bowls of Ramen on the counter.

"Sweet!" Kakashi was fitting the part of Naruto rather well.

"You and your Ramen..." Sakura rolled her eyes.

"What can I say?" Kakashi grinned as he shovelled noodles into his mouth. "This stuff rocks!"

"Yeah, but you kinda go overboard sometimes..." Sakura pointed at his already empty bowl.

"Yeah..." Kakashi burped. Apparently, he could put away Ramen just as well as Naruto. That was a scary thought. "Are you saying I'm an addict or something?"

"No," Sakura shook her head. "And addict would be Kakashi-sensei and his books."

Kakashi arched a brow. "How so?"

"All he ever does is read!" Sakura replied. "I don't see how he can stand those books... You aren't into that sort of thing, are you?"

"Oh, no!" Kakashi forced himself to deny his one true love.

"Good..." Sakura decided to return her attention to her meal.

The meal progressed rather normally after that. Kakashi ate several more bowls, Sakura ranted on about how Sasuke was just misunderstood or something, and Naruto watched with a grin from afar. But then, Kakashi noticed something interesting.

"What's that?" Kakashi's wandering eyes caught sight of the corner of a bright orange book jutting slightly from Sakura's bookbag.

"Huh?" Sakura looked over at him. "What's what?"

"This..." Kakashi leaned down and plucked the book from her bookbag.

"AH, PUT THAT BACK!!!" Sakura exclaimed.

"Woah," was all Kakashi could say. His eyes nearly fell out of his head when he saw what was in his hand. It was a copy of Make-Out Paradise. One of the best books in the Icha Icha series. One of the books she'd just been bad-mouthing Kakashi about.

"I SAID PUT THAT BACK!!!" she growled.

Kakashi mentally grinned. "Isn't this the same sort of book Kakashi-sensei reads?" he asked innocently.

"Yes! I mean no! Arrrghhh!" she tugged at her hair. "Just put it back!"

"Why do you have it?" Kakashi enquired.

"Uh..." Sakura thought for a moment, "Kakashi-sensei left in class the other day. I've been meaning to return it!"

'Lie,' Kakashi thought. Then he noticed something else. "Then why's there a reciept?" he plucked a small piece of paper from the book.

Sakura turned red. Whether from anger or embarrassment, it was hard to tell. "NARUTOOOOO!!!!!" she screamed.

"What?" he handed her the book back. "I'm just asking. I mean, if you read it, there's nothing to be ashamed of."

"GRRRRR!!!!" she yanked the book out of his hands and held it up in the air. Just as she was about to hit him with it, she froze. "Eh?" she shot him a quizical look.

"If you like it, then there's no reason to be ashamed. Why should you care?" Kakashi/Naruto shrugged. "I mean, look at Kakashi-sensei! He walks around with his head stuck in those books, and he doesn't care what people think! Their opinions mean nothing to him, and nor should they to you! So you should enjoy your books without a care in the world!"

Sakura simply stared at him. Then she sighed. "I guess you're right..."

"Of course I am!" Kakashi grinned.

"I'm still not reading them in public like Kakashi-sensei does..." she stated as she stuffed the book back into her backpack. "That's just wierd."

"Meh, to each his own..." Kakashi shrugged.

And so, they continued the dinner and finished their meals. Kakashi paid the bill, of course, since Sakura had no ways of affording the massive amount of Ramen he'd eaten. And so, as the shop began to close up, they bid each other farewell.

"Bye, Sakura!" Kakashi waved as he turned to leave.

"Wait!" Once again, she called out to him and made him stop.

"Huh?" Kakashi walked back over to her. "Yeah?"

"Hey, Naruto..." she whispered in his ear, "Want to come back to my place?"

Kakashi's brain nearly exploded out of shock and confusion. He went pale, and began to sweat profusely. "Uh... what?"

"Do you want to come back to my place?" she winked.

"Uh..." Kakashi's mind scrambled to think of a reply. What would Naruto say? Oh. Duh. "Sure!"

"Excellent..." she purred.

"Just hold on one second!" Kakashi held up his hands. "I need to go take care of something!" And with that, he did some handsigns and dissappeared in a puff of smoke.

Meanwhile, Naruto was still watching the scene through his binoculars. He didn't know what they were saying, though. Suddenly, Kakashi dissappeared from view and appeared right next to him. "Woah!" Naruto exclaimed in shock. "Oh, hi! How'd it go?"

Kakashi returned to his original form. As always, the space between his mask and headband only allowed a small amount of his face to be shown. But now this space was almost completely filled by his greatly enlarged eye, and the flesh that was still visable looked as pale as death. "UMMMM..."

"What?" Naruto arched an eyebrow.

"Okay... uh... well, for one thing, she likes the Icha Icha book series..." Kakashi stammered.

"Oh? Well, so do I..." Naruto shrugged.

"What?" Kakashi arched his eyebrow. Why were his students suddenly becoming closet-perverts? Oh well, back to the topic at hand. "And... uh... she wants you to go back to her place with her."

"She what?!" Naruto jumped to his feet. "What did you say?!"

"I said what I thought you'd say..." Kakashi shrugged.

"Yes?!" Naruto grinned. "AWSOME!!!!"

"Yes, awsome..." Kakashi agreed sarcastically. "So now you need to-"

Naruto was already gone.

* * *

I know, it was disturbing. But it was funny! And funny is good, no matter how disturbing it is!

Anyway, the next chapter will be Sakura x Sasuke. And believe me, this chapter is nowhere near as screwed up as that one will be.

Review, please!


	3. Sakura x Sasuke

Heh heh heh. I'm glad people are liking this story. Now lets see if Kakashi can hook up Sakura and Sasuke.

But first...

Just a heads up... I hate Sasuke. So he's going to be the butt of _many_ jokes in this story.

* * *

Kakashi had tried to get the horrifying events of last night out of his head. The wierdness of "his" date with Sakura had almost caused him to lose interest in the Icha Icha Series. 

Almost.

Now Kakashi was sitting on a bench in the park, his attention focused on one of his books, no less. He was happy now, and hoped to enjoy the rest of his weekend. But his hopes were dashed when a certain pink-haired shinobi sat down beside him with an angry huff. "Hello, Sakura. Is something wrong?" he didn't even bother to look up from his book.

"Yeah!" she growled. "I'm mad at Naruto, and I'm trying to figure out who was pretending to be him last night!"

Kakashi hesitated slightly as he went to turn the page. "Do what now?"

"Somebody was pretending to be Naruto yesterday!" she repeated.

"And you know this how?" Kakashi continued to read his book calmly.

"Because the phony was acting like a normal person, and he kept talking about how cool you were, and he was saying _intelligent_ things," she explained.

"I see..." Kakashi turned another page. He read very fast, it would seem. "Do you have any idea who it was?"

"No... But when I find them-" Sakura punched the palm of her hand, "I'm gonna kill 'em!"

"Hm..." Kakashi wasn't worried. "So... how are things with Sasuke?"

"Terrible..." Sakura sighed sadly. "He doesn't notice me, care about me, or even look at me!"

"Hm..." Kakashi thought for a second. "Have you tried getting his attention?"

"I lit myself on fire last week," she frowned. "He didn't even look up."

"Wow..." Kakashi finally looked up at her. "Just... wow."

"Hey... Kakashi-sensei..." Sakura smirked, "Do you think you can do me a favor?"

"What sort of favor?" Kakashi asked, knowing all-too-well what it would be.

"Do you think, maybe... you could pretend to be me and go try and get Sasuke's attention?" Sakura grinned.

"Er... what?" Kakashi arched an eyebrow.

"Pleeeeeease?" Sakura pleaded. "If anyone can do it, you can!"

"Um... why?" Kakashi's eyebrow went higher.

"I dunno, I just have a feeling you can do it!" Sakura exclaimed.

"Sakura, I don't think-" Kakashi was interupted by a handfull of cash being shoved into his face.

"I'll pay you!" she grinned.

Kakashi sighed and began to make handsigns. Why pass up a chance to make a few quick bucks?

---

Kakashi, now in the guise of Sakura, walked down a small dirt path in the park. He'd been told that Sasuke was somewhere in the park. "Aha," Kakashi/Sakura noticed the emo-ninja sitting on a bench reading a magazine. Sakura sighed and decided she'd start small. She swaggered past Sasuke seductively, swaying her hips and batting her eyes. 'I'm going to Hell...' Kakashi thought to himself, sick at his stomach.

Sasuke didn't even look up.

"Hm?" Sakura stopped once she'd walked past him. She shrugged, and then walk by him again, trying to look as pretty as possible.

Sasuke still didn't look up.

"Helllloooooo?" Sakura leaned over next to him.

No response.

"Sasuke?" Sakura arched an eyebrow.

'What's his problem? Is he zoned out, or does he just feel like being a jerk?' Kakashi thought to himself.

"Hi Sakura, hi Sasuke!" Naruto suddenly rode by quickly on a bike. He had several bruises on his face, as well as a bandaged nose. Clearly, he'd gotten a suprise when he went to Sakura's house. And it wasn't the type he wanted.

"Hi, Naruto," Sakura waved.

"Hi, Naruto," Sasuke looked up, and then went back to his magazine.

'Eh?' Kakashi was confused now.

Sakura pondered for a moment, and then walked away and out of sight. A few second later, Naruto walked by casually. "Hi Sasuke," Kakashi/Naruto waved.

"Hi, Naruto," Sasuke replied.

A few seconds later, Sakura came by. "Hi, Sasuke!"

No response.

Naruto came by afterwards. "Hi, Sasuke!"

"Hi, Naruto!" Sasuke replied.

A few seconds later, Sakura walked back over to the bench and stopped to think. "Hmmmmm..." she mused.

'I'm probably going to Hell for this, but now I'm a bit worried...' Kakashi/Sakura thought sadly to himself.

Sakura started to perform handsigns. Finally, she shouted out the command: "Transform!" Instantly, she transformed into an older, more "mature" version of herself. She was semi-nude, with smoke covered certain areas. Kakashi's sharingan had obviously copied the Sexy Jutsu.

Sasuke didn't even look up.

Sakura returned to her normal appearance. "Grrrr..." she growled. She stormed away, and a few seconds later Naruto returned in her place.

'I am afraid. So afraid...' Kakashi/Naruto whimpered mentally.

Naruto began doing handsigns, and then shouted the command: "Transform!" He transformed into an older, more "mature" version of himself, just as Sakura had done. But with one exception: he was in a male form. "Hi, Sasuke..." Naruto grinned.

Kakashi had never seen so much blood come out of anyone's nose before.

---

Sakura was sitting on the park bench where Kakashi had left her, her head burried in a book she'd brought. She quickly stuffed it into her bookbag when she saw Kakashi approaching. "So how'd it go?" she asked.

"I don't want to talk about it..." Kakashi grumbled.

"Are you alright?" she asked, concerned for her teacher. He looked a bit pale, and he was holding his stomach.

"No..." he shook his head. "I just threw up everything I've ever eaten. _Ever._"

"Um... why?" Sakura asked.

"Don't question it..." she shook his head. "Just don't... I have some advice for you, though."

"Oh, really? What?" Sakura replied.

"Forget about Sasuke..." Kakashi waved his hands weakly. "Just don't bother. Go after Lee. Its obvious he's head-over-heels in love with you..."

"Um..." Sakura stared at him. "Okay?"

"Now pay up," Kakashi held out his hand. "I need therapy, thanks to you..."

* * *

I told you it would be messed up. Next chapter: Naruto x Hinata!

Review, please!


	4. Hinata x Naruto

Hah hah, quite a few comical responses to the last chapter... I told you it would be messed up! Heh...

Anyway, time for Kakashi's next Cupid Crusade... Hm... Kakashi's Cupid Crusades... That would have made a better (or at least more original) story title...

Whatever. Back to the story.

* * *

Kakashi's eye wouldn't stop twitching. It had been three days, and it still continued to twitch. How long would the twitch persist? Probably until he got therapy to deal with the trauma of learning the truth about Sasuke. 

---flashback---

Kakashi stood rooted to the spot, unable to move away from the bench. Sasuke finally came walking back and sat down, holding a tissue up to his nose. He picked up his magazine and went back to reading, ignoring the pale and wide-eyed teacher in front of him. Minutes went by, and neither of them said a word. Finally, Kakashi croaked: "You... are no longer... my student."

"Hm?" Sasuke looked up to see who was talking. "Hello, Kakashi-sensei," he smiled with ignorant bliss.

Kakashi had never run so fast in his life.

--end flashback---

And that's when the eye-twitch began. The horror was so immense, he couldn't concentrate on his book. He'd been walking down the sidewalk for 30 minutes now, and he'd already read the same paragraph 12 times on accident. "I need something else to occupy my mind..." Kakashi sighed, saddened by the fact that his beloved Icha Icha books were not helping. "Perhaps some food will clear my mind?"

A few minutes later, Kakashi finally came within sight of the Ramen shop. But just as he began to walk across the street, he froze. He couldn't eat at that shop. Not because the food was bad (quite contrary, as it was his favorite restaraunt) but because Naruto was slurping up an inconcievable amount of Ramen at the counter. And three seats to his right sat Hinata Hyuga, who seemed to be more focused on the foolish blonde ninja across from her than on her food. "Hm..." Kakashi mused to himself. "Naruto really _is_ dense."

With a sigh, Kakashi walked across the street and took the seat to Hinata's right. "Huh?" she turned to see who had sat down next to her. "Oh, Kakashi-sensei..."

"Hello, Hinata," Kakashi waved kindly. "Staring won't get you anywhere, I'm afraid. You have to talk to him."

Hinata blushed heavily. "I... um..." she stammered.

"Tell you what..." Kakashi looked over her shoulder to make sure Naruto was still zoned out on Ramen, "I'm going to see if I can help you out on this one..."

"Why?" she asked.

"Because otherwise you aren't going to get anywhere anytime soon," Kakashi replied bluntly. "No offense," he added.

"None taken..." she smiled meekly.

"Now..." Kakashi did a few handsigns, "Transform!"

There was a puff of smoke, and suddenly Hinata found herself in the company of... herself. "Let me see if I can get his attention..." Kakashi/Hinata smirked.

"O-okay..." Hinata bowed. She then jumped off her seat and walked around the corner to watch.

"Mhmph grmph yarmgh," Naruto hastily shovelled Ramen into his mouth. He didn't even notice Hinata suddenly sitting down next to him.

"Enjoying your meal?" Kakashi/Hinata asked.

Naruto finally looked up from his food. "Yep!" he slurped a few stray strands into his mouth. "It's pretty tasty!"

"How do you afford it all?" she asked.

"I swiped Kakashi-sensei's credit card," he grinned.

'So _that's_ where all those bills are coming from!' Kakashi thought madly to himself.

"Oh..." she replied. "I-"

Naruto was no longer listening. He'd already gone back to his Ramen. 'Wow...' Kakashi thought to himself, 'This might be more difficult than I thought... No wonder she has so much trouble... What's a topic that will catch and keep his attention? Oh... right... duh...'

"So..." Hinata smiled, "How close are you to becoming Hokage?"

Naruto looked up and smiled. "Close!" he said with a goofy grin.

"Really?" she replied. "That's good!"

"I know! I can't wait to become the next Hokage!" he exclaimed.

"I'm sure you'd make a great Hokage!" she complimented him.

'And I'm also sure we'd all die painful and miserable deaths...' Kakashi added mentally.

"I'll be the greatest Hokage there ever was!" he exclaimed.

"And everyone will love you!" Hinata added.

"Especially Sakura..." Naruto started to drool.

'Wow, talk about rude...' Kakashi thought. 'And has he forgotten the beat down she gave him?'

"Speaking of loving..." Kakashi/Hinata paused and looked over her shoulder. The real Hinata, who was watching from around the corner, nodded. "There's something I need to tell you... You see... I..."

'This is going to feel really awkward...' Kakashi thought to himself. 'Okay, from now on, I'm only working on women...'

"I love you!" Hinata admitted. "I love you Naruto!"

Awkward silence.

"Did you say something?" Naruto suddenly looked up from his food, several Ramen noodles dangling from his mouth. "I wasn't listening..."

Hinata started at him. "Nevermind..." she sighed. She then hopped off her seat, walked out of the restaraunt, and went around the corner.

"Sorry," Kakashi transformed back into his normal form. "He didn't hear me..."

"It's alright..." she sighed. "In fact, it is actually a good thing."

"Really?" Kakashi arched an eyebrow.

"Yes," she nodded. "Now I can admit my feelings to him myself, and since he won't listen, I can keep doing it until I'm over my shyness!"

"Yeaaaahhhh..." Kakashi scratched the back of his head, "Okaaayyyy... Good luck with that..." And with that, he turned to walk away.

"Bye, Kakashi-sensei!" she waved as he left.

'I'm surrounded by insane people...' he thought to himself as he pulled out his book.

"Hello, my dear rival!" the jovial voice of Might Guy suddenly bellowed from behind him as he walked down the sidewalk.

'Speak of the Devil...' Kakashi sighed mentally. 'Oh well... At least the twitch is gone...'

* * *

Next chapter: Lee x Sakura

Review, please!


	5. Lee x Sakura

HAPPY EASTER!!!!! May the Grace of God and the Love of Christ be with you all. Amen. :)

Hm. After seeing the Naruto Marathon last night, I only have one thing to say:

Itachi is toast. Seriously. If he ever shows up in one of my stories, he's going to have it worse than Sasuke.

Oh right, here's a list of possible pairings I'll be toying with.

Lee x Sakura

Neji x Tenten

Ino x Sasuke

Shino x Hinata

Kiba x Hinata

Asume x Kurenai

As well as a few others which shall be suprises.

Anyway, time for Kakashi to play Cupid again...

* * *

"How's life treatin' ya?" Guy asked his old friend and dear rival, Kakashi. 

"Its been better..." Kakashi sighed.

"A little birdie told me you've been playing matchmaker," Guy grinned.

"Why pass up a good chance to make a quick buck?" Kakashi shrugged.

"True! And isn't it lovely to witness the almighty power of true love?" Guy flashed a smile, which blinded two people walking by due to its brightness.

"Again with the funny metaphors..." Kakashi rolled his eye(s).

"So how's business?" Guy smirked.

"Naruto got beat down by Sakura, Sasuke's gay and I'm scared for life, and poor Hinata would have better luck with a rock than with Naruto. But at least I've made a few hundred dollars out of it," Kakashi shrugged.

"Hmmm..." Guy seemed to be considering something.

"Okay, I'm going to go ahead, take a shot in the dark, and try to guess it: You want me to get Sakura to notice Lee..." Kakashi surmised.

"The poor boy can't even get her to bat an eye at him!" Guy replied. "He even lit himself on fire last week!"

"What's with all the closet perverts and pyromaniacs?" Kakashi muttered to himself.

"I can't stand to see my so- I mean, student suffer like that!" Guy barely caught his slip-up.

"Mm-hm..." Kakashi nodded his head. "I'll see what I can do..."

---

Not long afterward, Lee sauntered into the Konoha mall. Sakura and Ino were both sitting at a table in the food court, actually getting along like friends for once. They were enjoying a nice meal and talking about their fellow shinobi. "Alright, lets get started..." Kakashi/Lee smirked.

"So then he tells me..." Sakura was ranting on like a normal teenage girl, when suddenly Lee walked by and waved at her.

"Hi, Sakura!" he smiled.

"That he's sorry for being so annoying..." Sakura continued to babble.

"Hm..." Lee scatched his chin and walked away. A few minutes later, he walked back by carrying a HUGE boulder over his head. "Hey Sakura, check it out!"

"So then what happened?" Ino asked Sakura, who didn't even look in Lee's direction.

"Hmmm..." Lee thought for a second. A few minutes later, he walked back by with an even bigger boulder. "Look, Sakura!"

"So we went to the Ramen shop..." Sakura didn't look.

A few minutes later, Lee came back with a boulder at least 3 times bigger than him in his hands. And the words "Lee luvs Sakura" were carved into the boulder. "LOOK, SAKURAAA!!!"

"So he starts talking about how cool Kakashi was, and I realized..." Sakura was mroe preoccupied at the moment.

"Okay..." Kakashi/Lee growled to himself. "It's time for the heavy artillery..." He began to make handsigns and mutter a genjutsu spell.

---

A few seconds later, Sakura and Ino were under the affect of the genjutsu. In reality, they were just sitting there staring off into space. But in the genjutsu, everything was normal to them: They were in the mall, eating a meal, and having a friendly conversation. But just a few tables over sat Kakashi Hatake, his head resting in his hands and his eye(s) narrowed in concentration. "Hmmm... Now that they're under the spell, I can _really_ get their attention..." He did a few handsigns, and a mental representation of Lee appeared next to him. "Okay, Lee, do your stuff..."

The false Lee swaggered over to Sakura and Ino. "Check this out..." he pulled an iron bar out from behind his back. He stuck it between his teeth, and with little effort, bit it in half. Sakura and Ino didn't even look up.

"Hmmm... Okay, screw realism. I'm going to get their attention, no matter what it takes!" Kakashi was getting tired of people not caring what "he" had to say. He began to do handsigns, and a few seconds later, Lee burst into flames.

"HELP MEEEE!!!" Lee screamed as he hit the ground and began to flail about.

Sakura and Ino didn't care. "Hmmm..." Kakashi did a few more handsigns.

Lee suddenly sat up, unhurt and unscathed. "Check this out!" Lee exclaimed, ripping open his shirt and exposing an incredibly built body and disturbingly hairy chest.

Sakura and Ino were too busy talking about who-knows-what. "Okay..." Kakashi's eye twitched. "Here goes my last resort..." Kakashi sighed as he began doing handsigns. Out of nowhere, a humanoid alien appeared, covered in body armor, wearing a metal mask, and wielding a spear. "Lets see if they notice Lee fighting a Predator..."

The Predator roared loudly and charged at Lee. Lee drop kicked the beast, and it flew over the table. Lee jumped over the table and landed atop the alien. "HYAAAA!!!!!" Lee screamed as he began to beat the Predator. It roared and threw him across the food court. Meanwhile, Sakura and Ino continued to babble endlessly. Lee came running back up to the Predator and began to punch it in the gut. The Predator howled in pain and grabbed Lee by the throat. It began to choke and shake him while it laughed in its harsh alien language. Without warning, Lee reached up and ripped off the Predator's arms. It screamed in agony as glowing green blood sprayed everywhere. Lee let out a fierce battle cry and began to beat the creature in the arm with its own severed limbs. With one final blow, he knocked its head off. The dead monster crumpled to the ground, and a triumphant Lee struck a victory pose.

"Did it work?" Kakashi arched an eyebrow.

Nope.

"So when Naruto got there, I hit him in the face with a..." Sakura continued to rant.

Kakashi's eye gave another twitch. He suddenly sat up, and stated: "I give up."

---

Guy was waiting for Kakashi at the entrance to the mall. "How'd it go, Kakashi?" he asked when the silver-haired shinobi walked out the door.

"I failed," Kakashi sighed.

"Don't feel bad. If Lee can't do it, nobody can..." Guy tried to cheer his friend up. "And besides..."

"What?" Kakashi asked.

"Neji's got a love interest..." Guy grinned.

"Who?" Kakashi arched an eyebrow.

"Hinata," Guy replied.

"Okay, no. Just no..." Kakashi's eye gave a almighty twitch.

"Hah hah hah!" Guy laughed. "I'm just kidding."

"Phew..." Kakashi let out a sigh of relief. "Okay, who then?"

"Sasuke," Guy replied. Kakashi just stared at him. Guy smiled, but the smile faded after a few seconds. "I'm kidding..." Guy assured him.

"Guy... who is it?" Kakashi's voice was cold enough to freeze the entire Land of Waves.

"Tenten. Geeze, isn't it obvious?" Guy scratched the back of his head.

"Good. If it was Sasuke, I'd have to kill both of our students..." Kakashi replied. "I'll see what I can do..."

* * *

Does everyone in this show have a short attention span or something? Oh, and to all the people who keep asking for Naruto x Sasuke... No. Sorry, but no. While I would have no problems writing it as a comedy, it wouldn't be in character. For Kakashi, at least. He wouldn't even THINK about trying to set up that pairing...

Well, that's all for now. Please review! Requests are accepted, as always!

And once more, HAPPY EASTER!!!


	6. Plot Twist!

Here's the last chapter. I've run out of good ideas for the good pairings. So unless you want me to start writing OOC crack pairings, this is the last good chapter you'll get. I was going to write a Shikamaru and Temari chapter, but even though I support that pairing I can't fit it into this story due to the setting. Because apparently I wrote myself into a corner... Sasuke's still moapy, and Lee's still healthy, so I inadvertently wrote this before the Chuunin Exams... Crap! Ergo, most of the possible pairings, such as Temari and Shikamaru, aren't possible.

Besides, Kakashi's no miracle worker.

* * *

"Okay, what went wrong?" Gai instantly knew something bad had happened. Kakashi looked pale, and his eyes was twitching quite badly. "Did you screw up?" 

"No..." Kakashi shook his head. "If anything, I did it perfectly..."

"Then what's wrong?" Gai arched one of his giant eyebrows.

"Er..." Kakashi looked at the ground. "Well..."

---FLASHBACK---

"So I guess I'll see you tonight at the theatre, then?" Tenten asked. She was training with Neji, who was really Kakashi, and Lee was watching them with a "WTF?!" look on his face.

"Sure!" Neji/Kakashi grinned.

"Alright, see you then!" And with that, she walked away.

"Hm, that worked well..." Neji smirked.

"Um... dude?" Lee had a look of sheer confusion on his face.

"Hm?" Neji looked over at his friend.

"I thought you had the hots for Hinata?" Lee asked. "That's what you told me yesterday..."

Neji simply stared at Lee. He then turned pale(er) and walked away briskly clutching his stomach.

---END FLASHBACK---

"WHAT?!" Gai couldn't believe his ears.

"Yep," Kakashi nodded. "I've lost my lunch, breakfast, and my mid-morning snack because of that discovery."

"Uh..." Gai was about shaken by this sudden revelation. "Wow..."

"So, is here anything else I can do for you?" Kakashi asked politely.

"No..." Gai shook his head.

"Oh what, you don't have feelings for anybody?" Kakashi arched his eyebrow.

"HAH!!!" Gai scoffed. "If I had feelings for anyone, I would tell them myself! I wouldn't hire you to screw it up for me!"

"Really?" Kakashi asked.

"Really!" Gai smirked.

"Really?"

"Really!"

"Really?"

"Really!"

"Really?" Kakashi narrowed his eye(s).

"..."

---

Anko had not been expecting Might Gai to suddenly swagger into the coffee shop she was in, walk over to her, and sit down beside her. "Gai?" she looked up from her newspaper.

"How's it goin', Anko? Enjoying your Youth?" Gai flashed his trademark smile. A nearby waitress lost 83 of her vision as a result.

"Yeah, I suppose..." she replied cautiously. "What brings you here?"

"Oh, I just felt like sharing a cup of coffee with a perfect example of the Beauty of Youth," Gai smiled again.

"Uh..." Anko blushed. "Thanks..." She was at a loss for words.

"Anko... There's something I've got to get off my chest..." Gai frowned.

"And that would be?" She was dreading the answer.

"Anko... I'm madly in love with you!" Gai struck a cliche hero pose, and a heart encircled sunset appeared behind him.

"Wow... I'm flattered... but..." Anko smiled sheepishly, "I've got feelings for somebody else."

Gai stared at her. "Who?"

"Do you promise not to tell?" she glanced around the room.

"Sure, I guess..." Gai replied sadly.

"Kakashi Hatake..." she smiled, blushing lsightly.

Gai stared. And stared. And stared. "Come again?" he arched an fuzzy eyebrow and made a funny face.

"GAI-SENSEI!!!" a voice suddenly yelled out. Gai and Anko looked up to find a fuming Sakura standing in front of their table. "WHERE IS KAKASHI-SENSEI!?"

"Hm, speak of the Devil..." Gai grumbled. "He's down the street at the bookstore. Why?"

-----------------PLOT TWIST TIME---------------

Okay folks, here's the deal... I had two plot twist ideas. Both were pretty good, so here's both endings. You can chose which one you'd prefer to believe happened...

---------ENDING NUMBER ONE----------

"He's down the street at the bookstore. Why?"

"I PUT 2 AND 2 TOGETHER!!!" she growled. "HE WAS THE FAKE NARUTO, AND I'M GOING TO BURN ALL HIS PRECIOUS BOOKS!!!"

"You're going to what?" a calm and collected voice crooned. Sakura looked up to find Kakashi standing over her. "Hello, Sakura..."

"Uh..." her confidence melted.

"Hello, Kakashi," Anko waved.

"Hello, rival!" Gai greeted warmly.

"What's going on here?" Kakashi looked back and forth between them. "Are you sharing secrets or something?"

"NO!!!" they both yelled together.

"Okay..." Kakashi shrugged. "Just checking..."

-----------------END NUMBER TWO---------------------

"He's down the street at the bookstore. Why?"

"No he's not," Sakura growled. "I already checked there..."

"The Ramen shop?"

"No."

"The Memorial?"

"No."

"His house?"

"No. Wait..." Sakura suddenly narrowed her eyes. "Gai-sensei... Did you know that they just came out with the new Icha Icha book today?"

"Hm?" Gai looked at her in confusion. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because they're giving out free copies," she smirked.

**_POOF._**

Instanly, Gai turned into Kakashi, and Kakashi jumped to his feet and took off running towards the bookstore. "AHA!!!" Sakura exclaimed, chasing after him.

"WHAT THE?!" Anko was shocked and confused. "THAT WAS KAKASHI?!" Blushing heavily, she jumped to her feet and joined the pursuit. "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, KAKASHI!!!"

'Hmmm...' Kakashi thought as he ran, 'Perhaps I should have thought that through... Oh well, I've been needing to check for a new Icha Icha book anyway...' he smirked to himself.

* * *

Well, that was fun to write. I thought a love triangle between Kakashi, Anko, and Gai would be an interesting twist...

Review, please, and tell me what you thought of the story!


	7. Crack Kills, Folks

Ladies and Gentlemen...

You have entered...

The Crack-Fic Zone...

-cue the Twilight Zone music-

HEADS UP: The following events are not part of the stories canon. They're just crack, so ignore them if you want...

Hah hah hah... Okay, I love this story, and I don't want it to die. But since I'm out of serious pairings... I'll have to crack this fic out. Heh heh heh...

If you don't like crack, then turn back.

* * *

(Assuming Ending 2 was the real ending...) Quite a bit of time had passed since Kakashi's dating craze. Sakura had eventually caught him, but he'd gotten her to back down by threatening to genjutsu everyone into thinking she was bald. She didn't doubt he could do it, too. Anko... Time heals all wounds. And after a few weeks of hiding from her, she got tired of chasing him. Then the Chunin Exams had gone on... and Orochimaru attacking the village... the 3rd's death... The village was still under reconstruction, and most classes and missions had been cancelled until Konoha was back on its feet.

Now Kakashi was sitting at home, laying on the sofa and reading his favorite Icha Icha book. As he read through a rather steamy section, he suddenly heard a knock at his front door. And then another knock. And finally, somebody spoke up. "Mr. Hatake?"

"Hmph..." Kakashi smirked. He figured it was another business man trying to sign him onto a movie or advertisement deal. He decided to just ignore him and keep reading.

"Hello?" the person knocked again. "Mr. Hatake? Are you home?"

"..." Kakashi turned the page.

"Yo! Kakashi! Come to the door!" the person yelled.

:"Hm?" Kakashi looked up for a second. He then shrugged and went back to his book.

"Kakashi!" the person was now beating on the door. "Open up!"

"No thanks..." Kakashi muttered.

"SCARECROW!!! OPEN THE DOOR BEFORE I RIP IT OFF ITS HINGES!!!!!!" a loud voice suddenly boomed, rattling the windows and shaking the walls.

"What the?!" Kakashi jumped to his feet, drawing a kunai in the blink of an eye. He raced to the front door and placed his hand on the handle. He paused for a moment, took a deep breath, and then threw it open.

"I knew that would get your attention..." the man standing in the doorway chuckled. Kakashi simply stared at him. He was the wierdest looking person he'd ever seen. And that was saying a lot, considering the people he knew. The man was decked out in a black uniform, a bullet-proof vest, elbow and knee pads, black finger-less gloves, a gas mask, red goggles, and a helmet. "Hello, Kakashi..."

"Who are you?" Kakashi raised the kunai and assumed a defensive stance.

"Chill, dude... I've got an offer for you..." the man waved his hands calmly.

"An offer...?" Kakashi narrowed his eye.

"An offer..." the man nodded. "Here..." he pulled a handful of pink shuriken from his belt. "Take these."

"Huh?" Kakashi was so lost and confused. "Why?"

"Because you're the new Cupid..." even behind that mask, Kakashi could tell the man was smiling.

"Um... what?" Kakashi stared at him.

"You do so well as a matchmaker, I figured I'd make you Cupid. Here..." he held up his hand, "Take these. They're Shuriken of Love." Kakashi stared at the glowing projectiles. "Would you rather have the bow?"

"And what makes you think I'll agree to this? And how do those work, anyway?" Kakashi's voice was stern and serious.

"The answer to the first question is this..." the man pulled a bag of gold from behind his back and handed it to Kakashi. "And this..." he then handed him a handful of Icha Icha books. "And as for the second question... well, you throw at something, and it falls in love with the first person it sees. Or, if you rub two together and then throw them at two seperate people, they'll both fall in love instantly. Understand?"

"Yeah..." Kakashi was too engrossed in his new books to resist the offer.

"Good..." the man nodded.

"So who do you want me to Cupi-fy?" Kakashi asked.

"I dunno, that's your job..." the man shrugged. "Be creative. Like... Sakura and Neji. Or Sasuke and Temari. Heck, try Hinata and Orochimaru if you want to... Well, I've got to go now... Good luck!" And with that, the man dissappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Hm..." Kakashi mused on everything that had just happened. "How bizarre... Oh well, I got some new books out of it, so-"

"AND ONE MORE THING!!!" the man suddenly appeared back in front of him, wreathed in flames and with the screams of Hades in the background. "IF YOU FAIL IN YOUR MISSION, I'LL BURN EVERY BOOK YOU OWN AND FORCE YOU TO READ BADLY WRITTEN SASUKE-BASED YAOI FOR ALL ETERNITY!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!" And as quickly as he'd popped up, he was gone.

"Well..." Kakashi gulped nervously, "I guess I'd better get to work..."

* * *

Poor Kakashi. And poor anybody who gets Cupi-fied by him...

Review please! Suggest ANY pairing you want. I'll consider any and all offers.


	8. Sasuke x Hinata

WOW!!! Lots of reveiws, requests, and ideas! I'll use some of the more sane... oh, who am I kidding? NOTHING IN THIS STORY IS SANE.

* * *

_'What am I going to do?'_ Kakashi pondered as he jumped from rooftop to rooftop, looking for a possible pair of lovers to join together under the bonds of love. He kept trying to think of a pair that would go well together _'Sakura and Naruto? No, Sakura loves Sasuke. And he's gay...'_ Kakashi's eye twitched for the first time in months. _'What about Naruto and Hinata? Yeah, that might work... Should I do the single shuriken or pair to make sure it works? I'll just do the single one for now...'_

Getting Naruto and Hinata together wasn't hard. Naruto was at the Ramen shop, and naturally Hinata was three seats over staring at him. _'Okay...'_ Kakashi sat atop a nearby lightpole, holding one of the pink glowing shuriken between his fingers, _'I've just got to nail Naruto with this thing, and then Hinata should spaz out and check on him, and then he'll get up and see her, and then he'll fall in love, and everyone will be happy, and I won't have to worry about that guy who was probably the Devil coming back to bother me! Yes, this should all work out perfectly!'_

"But we all know it won't..." the gas-masked man from earlier snickered from a nearby rooftop.

"Here goes nothing..." Kakashi muttered as he hurled the shuriken. The ninja star flew straight and true. It sailed through the air on a collision-course with Naruto's back. There was no stopping it. Now Kakashi just had to sit back and-

"LOOK OUT NARUTO!!!!!"

_'Crap...'_

"YES!" the man cheered.

Out of freaking NOWHERE, somebody dove behind Naruto and was struck by the shuriken. They crashed to the ground and didn't get up. "ARE YOU OKAY?!" Naruto jumped from his seat and rushed to help the person on the ground.

_'Is that...?' _Kakashi prayed it wasn't who he thought it was.

"Yeah, Naruto... I'm fine..." Sasuke Uchiha sat up, rubbing his head in pain. "Ow..." he winced, shutting his eyes from the pain.

"Are you alright, Sasuke?" Hinata conquered her shyness just enough to run over and check on her fellow shinobi.

"Yeah," Sasuke looked up at her, "I'm..." Sasuke's mouth suddenly dropped open in shock.

"Uh..." Naruto waved his hands in front of Sasuke's eyes, "What's wrong?"

"Are you alright?" Hinata asked again.

"Yeah," Sasuke smiled, "I just realized how pretty you are, that's all..."

"OH NO!!!" Kakashi grabbed the sides of his head in shock.

"OH YES!!!" the man atop the roof shouted joyfully. Kakashi looked up from his lightpole and stared at the man. "Oh... hi..." the man waved.

"Who are you, anyway?" Kakashi suddenly asked. "The Devil?"

"Maybe I am, Kakashi..." the man replied as he slowly turned to dust and faded into the wind. "Maybe I am..."

"Why me?" Kakashi sighed. "Oh well, back to the chaos I've created..."

"You... what?" Hinata was blushing more than it was thought a human could.

"I think you're pretty..." Sasuke shrugged.

"Uh..." Naruto didn't know how to react to this bizarre turn of events. "Sasuke, are you feeling okay?"

"I dunno, is love supposed to hurt?" Sasuke smirked.

"Oh, crap..." Kakashi frowned.

Hinata stayed silent for a few seconds. Now, she was a quiet and shy girl. But she was also a very smart person, capable of pulling strings. So this was all playing into her hands, actually. "Love, you say?" she smiled innocently.

"Eh?" Naruto's mouth dropped open.

"Smart girl..." Kakashi mused. "She's going to make him jealous..."

"Yes, love!" Sasuke jumped to his feet. "Love, I say!"

"Woah, woah, woah... what's going on here?" Naruto was seriously confused. _'Why is cold and brooding Sasuke was acting like a lovey-dovey sap, and why is shy and quiet Hinata was being flirtatious with him. SHE CANT EVEN TALK TO ME!!!'_

"I'm in love with Hinata..." Sasuke grinned.

"YOU'RE WHAT?!" a loud voice boomed.

"Oh, no!" Kakashi closed his eyes in frustration.

"OH, YES!!!" the man in black cheered from another rooftop.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!" Sakura stormed into the Ramen shop and glared at Sasuke.

"I said that I am in love with Hinata..." Sasuke shrugged. Hinata, who three seconds before had been smirking, now looked scared out of her mind.

"YOU!!!" Sakura pointed at Hinata. "HOW DARE YOU STEAL MY SASUKE AWAY FROM ME!!!"

"I... I..." Hinata took a few steps back.

Suddenly, Naruto jumped between Sakura and Hinata. "Wait, Sakura! Don't hurt her!"

"Naruto?" Hinata was shocked at him jumping in to save her.

"That's not Sasuke!" Naruto pointed at his love-struck comrade. "Its Kakashi, trying to cause trouble again!"

"Huh?" Kakashi arched an eyebrow.

"What?" Sasuke did the dersame.

"GRRRR..." Sakura growled. "KAKASHI-SENSEI!!!" Not thinking clearly, she smacked him over the head.

Sasuke stumbled slightly and rubbed the top of his head. "Ow... what happened?"

Sakura stared at him. Then she screamed, "OH, SASUKE I'M SO SORRY!!!!!!"

"I'm just going to leave now..." Naruto started to creep away.

"Good idea..." Hinata nodded silently.

"Well, at least now I know how to reverse the effects..." Kakashi mused. "Hmmmmm... who's next?"

Somebody coughed below him. Kakashi looked down to see the gas-masked man staring up at him. "Try Sakura and Sasuke..." the man shrugged.

"Seriously, who are you?" Kakashi asked.

"That's for me to know and you to probably never find out!" the man replied. And with that, he dissappeared into a puff of smoke.

"Hm, well this just keeps getting wierder and wierder by the moment..." Kakashi sighed. He then pulled out two shuriken and started to rub them together. "Lets see how this goes..."

* * *

I can already tell you that it won't go well...

REVIEW, PLEASE!!! Requests and ideas are ALWAYS accepted and considered!


	9. 2 Crack Pairings

Wow, crack-fics get a LOT of hits, I suppose. Lets see... what chaos can I create now...

Happy Birthday "iluvu to uchiha"! Here's your present!

* * *

"Hm..." Kakashi surveyed his unsuspecting targets from atop the lightpole outside the Ramen shop. Sakura was begging Sasuke for forgiveness, and he looked quite confused. Kakashi held up two of the glowing pink shuriken of love and rubbed them together. "Lets hope this works..." 

"I see you're taking my advice..." the man in black appeared out of a puff of smoke next to Kakashi.

"Yes, now shut up..." Kakashi growled.

And with that, he hurled the two shuriken at Sakura and Sasuke. They flew through the air and hit their marks. One struck Sakura in the chest, and one struck Sasuke in the head. "Success!" the man in black cheered.

"Not quite!" Kakashi exclaimed. Apparently, the shuriken that had hit Sasuke bounced off of his headband, and it was now flying back at them. "Look out!"

"OH SNAP!!!" the man screamed as the shuriken flew straight at him. He leaned backwards in an attempt to dodge the shuriken, which spiralled within 2 inches of its face. All of this occured in slow motion, which was rather wierd for Kakashi to watch. Once the shuriken had flown past him and sailed into the distance, the man let out a sigh of relief. "That was close..."

"How are you doing that?" Kakashi asked. The man's feet were planted firmly on the lightpole, but his knees were bent and he was laying flat on his back on nothing but air.

"I can defy the laws of nature!" the man exclaimed, shaking his hands in a silly manner.

"Reallllly..." Kakashi placed a foot on top of one of the man's feet.

"Oh, you wouldn't..." the man shook his head. "No, no, no, n- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!"

**_Thud._**

"That wasn't nice..." the man growled.

"So what's going to happen to Sakura?" Kakashi looked down at the floored freak who kept bugging him.

"She'll fall in love with the person the other shuriken hits..." the man stumbled to his feet.

"And who would that be?" Kakashi arched an eyebrow.

"I wonder where Izumo is?" Sakura suddenly walked past them, oblivious to their presence.

"Izumo Kamizuki, obviously..." the man shrugged.

"Oh, crap..." Kakashi gulped. He then jumped down from the lightpole and grabbed the madman. "Here's the deal... We've got to keep Sakura and Izumo from each other."

"Why?" the man cocked his gas-masked head to the side.

"Because I will not allow my student to go out with an older man, and I will not allow my comrade to be labelled a pedophile!" Kakashi exclaimed.

"I might as well..." the man shrugged. "Lets try to find them..."

---

Finding them was easy enough. They were both determined to find each other, so all Kakashi and his "friend" had to do was follow the dust trails. Eventually, they found Sakura and Izumo on opposite ends of the main street in Konoha. "SAKURA!!!" Izumo held out his arms.

"IZUMO!!!" the pink-haired girl did the same.

"Oh, crap..." Kakashi moaned as the two began to race towards each other.

"Its too late!" the man lamented as the two bewitched lovers ran closer and closer to each other.

"I can't watch..." Kakashi pulled his headband down over his other eye as well.

But just as Sakura and Izumo came within feet of each other and reached out to hug, a loud voice echoed through the air. "LEAF WHIRLWIND!!!" Out of freaking nowhere, Rock Lee kicked Izumo in the face and sent the shinobi flying. "NOBODY SHALL LAY A HAND UPON MY BELOVED SAKURA!!! NOBODY, I SAY!!!"

"Well, that takes care of breaking Izumo's curse..." the man shrugged.

A leaf fluttered by as a result of Lee's super awsome move, and it barely tapped Sakura on the nose. She suddenly shook her head and asked, "What happened?"

"And Sakura..." Kakashi sighed.

"All's well that ends well... Eh, Scarecrow?" the man chuckled.

"Okay, seriously now. Who are you?" Kakashi was getting frustrated.

"I'm your boss for now, okay? Lets just leave it at that!" the man retorted. "Now try Sasuke and Sakura again, and this time, don't screw up!"

---

Not long afterwards, Kakashi and the man in black were standing on top of a roof. Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto were walking by on the sidewalk across the street from their building. "Okay, lets try this again..." Kakashi took a deep breath. He then rubbed two shuriken together and hurled them at his targets.

"It looks good... it looks good..." the man leaned forward for a better look, "It looks good... it looks- WHAT THE CRAP?!"

Out of nowhere, Gaara, Kankuro, and Temari walked in front of them. Kakashi and the man both watched in horror, unable to see who the shuriken had hit. But they knew quite well when the voice of Kankuro screamed out, "WHAT THE $&#! ARE YOU DOING TO MY PUPPET, YOU BLONDE FREAK?!"

"Wow..." the man shook his head. "Naruto and Crow?"

Sure enough, Naruto had climbed on Kankuro's back and was kissing the bandages around Kankuro's puppet Crow. Sasuke and Gaara simply watched while Kankuro flailed his arms madly and Sakura worked with Temari to pry Naruto off the puppet. "NOOO!!!" Naruto screamed as the two kunoichi pulled him away from his beloved marionett. "WE BELONG TOGETHER!!!!!!"

**_Wham, wham, wham!_**

"NARUTO, YOU IDIOT!!!" Sakura screamed while pounding on Naruto's face. "DON'T SCREW WITH THESE PEOPLE!!!"

"Put that freak on a leash!" Kankuro growled.

"Hm, no harm done..." Temari surveyed the damage to Crow, who had only had a few bandages torn off.

"Hey, Kakashi..." the man chuckled. "Throw a shuriken..."

"At who?" Kakashi asked.

"Anybody..." the man replied. "Cover your eyes and chuck one!"

"I'd rather-" Kakasi tried to protest, but he was interupted.

"DO IT, SCARECROW!!!" the man screamed, his goggles glowing blood-red and the skies darkening around him.

"Okay, okay..." Kakashi sighed. He then covered his eye(s) and threw a shuriken. He then uncovered his eye and looked down. "Oooooh, crap..."

"Wow..." the man laughed. "This is going to be good..."

* * *

DON'T WORRY, NO SANDCEST!!! I have morals, you know! 

Naruto and Crow. It doesn't get more cracky than that. And if you can tell me a crackier pairing, I will probably try to use it...

REVIEW, PLEASE!!!


	10. Gaara x Sakura

Oh wow. I mean... wow. I asked for crackier pairings... And of course, there were plenty of replies. Wow. Although a few were disturbing, they were all creative and most of them original. My personal favorite suggestion was "Temari and a stump." Hah hah hah... I dunno about her, but somebody else will be falling in love with an inanimate object...

Well, once again it is time to delve into the cracky-ness of my mind. Lets go!

* * *

"I think I love you..."

Kakashi and the gas-mask wearing man could only watch in horror as a love-struck Gaara stared longingly at a rather confused Sakura.

"Um... beg pardon?" Sakura arched an eyebrow.

"It seems that I have been captivated by your beauty..." Gaara stated eloquently.

"Wow, when did he learn to speak with class?" the man asked. Kakashi only shrugged.

"You... my... huh?!" Sakura took a step back.

"What are you talking about?!" Naruto fumed, stepping in front of her.

"I am in love with you friend," Gaara replied with a shrug.

"Uhhh..." Kankuro and Temari were seriously confused.

"I'm so confused..." Sakura shook her head.

"There's no reason to be," Gaara comforted her, "My dear Sakura."

"Okay, this is making me sick..." Sasuke grumbled as he turned and began to walk away. "I'm outta here."

"Wait, Sasuke!" Sakura pleaded. "Don't abandon me like this!"

"Don't waste your breath upon him," Gaara advised her. "He doesn't care about you, at least not like I do."

"Are you saying I don't care about my friends?" Sasuke growled.

"No..." Gaara replied. "I'm just saying I love her, and you don't."

"This is seriously screwed up..." Temari shook her head.

"Well, at least you're seeing this, too..." Kankuro sighed. "Glad to know I'm not going nuts..."

"Uh..." Sakura took another step away from Gaara. "I'm sorry, but I don't feel the same way..."

"What must I do then to attain your love?" Gaara asked.

"Uh..." Sakura had no idea how to respond.

"Flowers?" Gaara asked. A few seconds later, the most beautiful rose Sakura had ever seen floated up to her from nowhere upon a cloud of sand. "Chocolates?" A box of candy floated up a few seconds later.

"Uhhh..." Sakura stared at the gifts.

"Poetry?" Gaara arched an eyebrow. He suddenly sank to his knees and took one of Sakura's hands into his and began to serenade her with the writings of his soul. "My dear Sakura, friend or foe, I love you dearly, I hope you know..."

"Uhhh..." Sakura was now getting a little creeped out.

"Your beauty reminds me of a desert flower, standing out amongst the sands, a symbol of untained beauty, within a barren land..." Gaara poured forth his soul in an attempt to impress the woman he loved.

"That's not half bad..." Kakashi mused.

"I know..." the man sobbed. "Its beautiful! Such honesty! Such eloquence!"

"Um, right..." Kakashi inched away slightly.

"Okay, buddy..." Naruto growled, suddenly jumping between Sakura and Gaara. "This has gone on for far enough. She doesn't love you! Get that through your thick sand-filled head!"

"Naruto?" Sakura asked softly. Suddenly, a wave of sand smashed into Naruto, sending him flying into the air. "NARUTO!!!" she screamed.

"WEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" Naruto exclaimed as he spiralled into the sky.

"Annoying pest..." Gaara growled.

"YOU JERK!!!" Sakura yelled as she slapped the Sand Village shinobi.

**_Smack._**

Gaara stood there, dumbfounded as a red handprint formed on the side of his face. "What happened?" he finally came to his senses. "What's going on?"

"Um..." Temari scratched the back of her head, "You fell in love with this girl, started belting out poetry, and then got slapped in the face for sending her friend airborne..."

"I did _what_?" Gaara snarled.

"Time to go..." Sakura whispered as she tip-toed away unseen and unheard.

Meanwhile, Naruto was finally coming out of the Stratosphere. "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" he yelled as he streaked through the sky. But when he saw the sky coming up fast, he realized that he was about to get _seriously_ screwed over. "Uh oh..."

**_FWA-BAM!!!!_**

"Ow..." Naruto moaned, rubbing his head. He then realized that he was laying on the ground between two rather confused people. "Oh, hello Kakashi-sensei and other person who I don't know!"

"Uh..." Kakashi stared down at his student.

"Um..." the man stared as well.

"What are you guys up to?" Naruto asked with a goofy grin.

"Uh..." the two men stared at each other. They both then shrugged, and in unison stomped on Naruto's face and knocked him out.

"Okay, how what?" Kakashi asked his "boss" for advice.

"Lets throw the shuriken at a random person again. That was fun..." the man cackled.

"Okay..." Kakashi looked down at the people on the street below them. Gaara, Kankuro, and Temari were arguing about what had happened. Sakura and Sasuke were gone. Shikamaru and Choji were standing in front of a restaraunt trying to decide who would pay the bill. Ino was walking by on her way to deliver flowers. And Gai was looking into the window of a tv store, musing over the price of a new flatscreen. Kakashi smirked slyly. He was starting to enjoy his "job," although he would never admit it.

"Having fun?" the man suddenly asked.

"No," Kakashi growled. "I hate being forced to play with my friends' minds..."

"Uh huh, sure..." the man scoffed. "Now lets get down to business..."

"Alright..." Kakashi hurled the shuriken at his next target. "Lets see how this works out!"

* * *

Who will it be? Who will they develope feelings for? So many possibilities, and so many shuriken...

REVIEW, PLEASE!!! As always, ideas and suggestions are accepted. Although, just so you know, I prefer straight pairings. But I'll give yaoi or yuri a chance if I can make it funny...


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